Christie’s sexual frustration finds some form of relief
Christie had been extremely sexual frustrated for years but she found the courage to give it a go. She “absolutely loved” her first ‘date’ with Richard, but decided not to go all the way.
I’m 31, and have Cerebral Palsy (CP). I’m completely non-verbal and have little control over my arms and legs, but completed the High School Certificate in mainstream schools. Since I was in my mid-teens I’d wanted a boyfriend, and had seen my able-bodied friends have relationships at school. From that time, I’ve thought about sex and intimacy heaps. Over the years, I’ve been quite depressed and have felt extremely sexually frustrated. I can’t even masturbate properly, despite my best efforts to do so. One way to deal with my frustration has been through writing.
I’d heard about Touching Base approximately two years ago, from a support worker who arranged for me to borrow the movie “Scarlet Road”. Since then, I’ve been thinking about seeing a sex worker but hadn’t had the courage to do anything about it. I started seriously thinking about organising to have a sexual experience, after I attended a sexuality expo called “Feel The Vibe”. I got Touching Base’s contact details, and decided to “take the leap of faith” and e-mail.
Touching Base found a male sex worker, based on some questions I’d answered. I was told Richard* had previous experience with working another client with CP. Just knowing Richard was experienced with someone with my level of disability, made me more comfortable to go ahead and contact him. Although he was a bit older than I’d first hoped, I was keen to organise a “date”, as Richard referred to it.
Right from his first e-mail, Richard was very understanding and I felt this huge amount of respect from him. We organised to have an hour long date at his apartment where he works from. Leading up to the date, I was extremely nervous but heaps excited. I knew I needed this to happen. My Mum accompanied me to the date. I had Mum’s full support about doing this. She would’ve rathered not have to be the one taking me, but in the end it was the easiest option.
I’d originally told Richard that my nod/shake head gestures were fairly reliable. But thinking about it more closely, I was worried Richard would have trouble understanding these gestures. So he suggested he hold both his hands up, one hand represented “yes” and the other “no”, and I could just look at whichever hand was the correct answer. This method turned out to work really well for both of us.
I absolutely loved our date! The best part was just lying with Richard, and being close to someone on an intimate level. I’d decided I wasn’t ready to have sex, so it was mainly him kissing and touching me. No other guy had seen me naked before, so it was lovely having Richard look at my body. And of course I enjoyed seeing his too. He was extremely tender, and it was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had.
This experience has been quite an emotional one for me. Of course, I wish things were different and I could have a “normal” sex life. But since I haven’t been in a relationship, and it’s not looking like I will be in the near future, I feel seeing a sex worker is the best alternative (for the moment at least).
Christie* – Sept 2014
All names have been changed for privacy